He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
