fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize