I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
