i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
What drink are we having for lunch?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize