she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
