Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize