I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
do nipples grow back?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize