The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
