i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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