I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
