Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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