haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
