I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
