4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
