I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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