Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
