Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
false alarm, still single
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