Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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