i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
