After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Randomize
