I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
