You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
