He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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