I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
