Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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