I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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