I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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