I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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