I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
