Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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