wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
