if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
