I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize