Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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