you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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