Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize