i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You pole danced in your parka.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
