OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
