just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
