dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize