I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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