I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
