She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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