omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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