Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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