woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
