When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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