moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
