Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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