He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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