If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
