A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
