I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
