i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
