are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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