That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
