i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
