I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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