Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
