If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize