I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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