TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
