I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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