So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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