i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
