How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
