Buhtt sex?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize