just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
