Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
