Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
