omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
its not stalking. its research.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
