She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
