Capitaan dildo arrescate!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
