I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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