I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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