Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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