Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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