I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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