its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
