you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
operation have a gay friend backfired
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
