At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
