go do what you do best...puke behind churches
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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