I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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