I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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