i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
