I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize