Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he was CRYING into my vagina
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Randomize
