I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
