Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
