Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
