Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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