I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
