well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
