We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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