It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
